my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family

That you're his partner now, and you don't like being made to feel like a spare wheel. But they all different!! Anyway, if you feel that hes doing this to you, its a very clear sign that hes not completely over his ex. My daughter wants me to hate my ex son-in-law, when in fact he is the responsible parent to my grandchildren, doesnt carry bitterness. Same happened to myself, I havent spoken too my family in over a decade, horrible disrespectful thing to happen. I know this is from a few years ago, but you sound extremely self absorbed & I cant agree on any capacity that you have ever put your kids before yourself on this topic. I think your feelings and your reactions to all of this Is normal. It is an extremely difficult situation. Every awful thing he did behind their back to me he always avoided responsibility for and used my natural upset as further evidence that i was the unreasonable one! Your daughter is. I said no Im good. They didnt like seeing their daughter/sister treated that way. So dont take it so hard if hes not quite over his ex yet. I'd mention it to Tom if it bothers you. I will never have that easy closeness with my sister ever again and Ill never trust her again. I hosted big family Thanksgiving every year with his sis ya dad my beautiful nieces who are close to my daughter. when he first told me in bout 4 month we were going 2gether but he only pretended later i have it in a text he trick me 4 me 2 fall in love with him and that he was sorry later on. They may feel as though they are just being nice and that everyone should try and get along, but its also true that nothing new can evolve if something old is not allowed to die. Speak up. He kept the house. My sisters husband threatened me the last day I left saying goodbye as I was moving out of state . Once he left, I told my niece that I wanted her to remove him from suicidal media. After living in a marriage made in hell. That is seriously sad. I feel they should respect your boundaries and you! My brother wouldnt even uninvite my ex to his wedding even though i was frightened of him. my boyfriends dad killed himself and im not sure if i my boyfriends family is pushing us apart. NO, you are NOT being unreasonable they are being unfaithful untrustworthy pieces of lying **** i dont like that one bit!! Her mother helped her along in her disowning me of course. She responded and told me that yes, he would be there. Never told my husband, he found out from her tax preparer 2 weeks before the move. Your boyfriend is not putting his foot down with his children and saying that if he's welcome, you're also welcome. Ive always been kind (as you are about your ex), and nothing has changed. Granted I had an affair which was a bad thing but now my sister and my ex have gotten very close to the point she hides things from me regarding who is taking care of my mom who we just found out has widespread cancer. I didnt bring up the past but after 4 months of awkward phone calls on his side he refused to meet up with me even though i drove 100 miles to see him. I lost my child, family and home. Of course when I tried to explain this and how this fit with their current actions it only served as further proof that it is me who is the wicked, deluded one! Is it possible youve made veiled ultimatums that they resent and are subconsciously preferring your ex as a form of protest? But if she finds it upsetting, she just needs to explain that to them, so that they avoid inviting him to family events. You are a sour, bitter, alienating parent that does not deserve custody of your children because you are a lying snake that should spend weekends in jail while he enjoys time with your family and children. This bothers Jada. I never regretted that choice. Curious how you would react? They can do that without dragging my brothers peace of mind through the sewer. There is a lot of narcissism and enabling in my family over multiple generations. A controlling, abusive one who wants to remain connected to try and continue to control and punish you by any means possible which is why I took the difficult decision to break contact. Someone has free choice to support you or not but that doesnt take away the truth of what I have said above. It really helped me to connect with other new, mentally healthier people when blood relatives let me down. What happened to family loyalty? The ex needs to move on with his own family. Now some people can make hanging out with ex after divorce work, even psychologists say it can work BUT ONLY IF THERE ARE NO CASES OF ABUSE. This is beyond cordial. You do have a choice. Ive been with my boyfriend little over a year and a half. When its over, its over for them. Has anything improved since this post? I recently received a question to which I, unfortunately, had to give a very simple answer. He told me that after three days he would join me and my husband together. Grow the hell up and act like an adult it isnt about you anymore its about your kids. He even calls my uncle and invites him over to watch the football game. Irony, my family finally tried coming back around too many years later with me. When you divorce you shouldnt still get the perks of your exs family. My parents say Im holding grudges and i forgiveness but its far beyond that! She does not care. This closeness wasnt something I was prepared for. I am divorced and have two children, but he never married although he did live with a woman for 5 years. Also I dont know what happened for you to not like your husband anymore maybe Im being a bit harsh and hes an abusive asshole and cant be trusted then yeah I could see it from that point of view. I really needed it. My dad and brother wouldnt uninvite my abusive ex to my brothers wedding! Her ex is doing all this just to upset herand he is the one who walked out of their marriage one day and never came back! I told him to explain and he wouldnt. Im wondering, Is he still thinking about his ex?. The familys treatment of me when i split up with my ex literally broke my heart. It was our decision for how and when we shared this news, based on our relationship with our exes. It can lead to removing the children from the other persons care. MY family STILL invites her to family functions, and 80% of the time she comes. It hurts me and Im so tired of wasting tears and time. },{ I am so sorry for what you have gone through. My ex-husband and I are great at co-parenting. But I feel this is wrong and shes doing it all on purpose to be hateful to me. but will in a second to my current wife, which I think is tacky as hell!!! I am in a very similar situation. I know for me it was so hard this whole process and understanding their side and why they are doing this .. Disclaimer: Given that youve been dating for longer than a few months. reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): A I cant say anything because its about their Dad, and I cant talk about him in reference to anything he did to me or then back then. Recently divorced myself. All are grown adults, respect each others opinion to disagree. My ex left me, and told my family she was leaving. But family relationships are hard to forge and take a lot of work. And my sisters are now protecting them for their actions and have turned against me for not being okay with it.. they wouldnt like it if it happened to them. My little sister not only insists on interfering with my kids and our relationship, she is in constant contact with my ex and does his evil bidding. These two guys were never super close. The ex is in the same city, and they have known her since she was a teen, and she makes every effort to stop by and keep herself connected to the family on purpose. Wishful thinking. But the factthathe still thinks about her, and that he still loves his ex, does NOT mean that he does not love you or that he doesnt want a relationship with you. And perhaps he doesnt carry bitterness because he never truly loved your daughter. This is unacceptable total betrayal. I actually hope you can heal and be happy. You are a cup with a leak, a black hole, and anything good given to you is lost forever. weve been dating for just about 5 months now and he talks to her sometimes and brings her up from time to time knowing it bothers me. How terrifying and awkward. We both told our exes about our marriage on our own terms. If you never have guess what they cant read minds. He also has a girlfriend now. I seek help, and a spell was done on me and my husband. Id be super pissed. Do this beautiful family a favor and get the fuck out of their lives. Thanks for the sharing post on this topic. After few family gatherings, I spoke to all my family members to kindly be sensitive to our situation, they dont have to invite him to All the functions. He started coaching in The Netherlands, where he is the owner & coach at the most significant Dutch dating advice website; mannengeheim.nl. Undoubtedly, every girl likes to view their boyfriend's family as their future-in-law, or even better, an extra family. Fix your things and youll feel better about the rest. I hope youre ok You are very strong and please stay strong for your kids . Especially know Dad is remarried. Theres a very odd reason and I think they want to hurt Us ! I feel so frustrated that I actually Google to see if I can get a different perspective about the current situation I find myself in. Not sure how to get out of this! I actually think that the situation with your ex (I know this might sound bad) is ideal. Enter your email below and receive my free report with the 5 texting mistakes noW! This is the most unforgivable part, no loyalty to me is one thing, to my daughter is a whole new level. And if not, a lot of people like bowling (me, in particular), so you'll find plenty of other people to be friends with. I found out several years later about this. What I wanted to do was scream at both of them to stop acting like children. My heart aches for you. He succeeded with most other than our children. Those guys can distance themselves from a woman without giving a damn. Just my opinion, Idk my family has gone as far as attempting to commit me to a hospital and my doctor said she felt thats best for her and everyone else. She stopped talking to me completely when she moved him in with her because she knew Id feel betrayed and be upset! then my best friend came acrooss a picture on face book with him and a nother younger girl my son age took 2gether on her post in a relationship.. he ended up in jail i found out by texting a comment 2 her from a statement she posted bout him not coming home , she reply bak ur so stupid he in jail . They need to honor your feelings. I remember I had to beg and cry to ask my sister to unfollow him on Facebook because he would use that against me, he would say he was abusing me because I deserved and see! Talk to others about it. Divorce is the unity of a marriage ripped apart. If you feel it would be detrimental for her to be forced into contact with her abuser, stand your ground. Am I wrong for wanting this relationship to stop? It remained, he was in and my children and I were out. And that not your family leaving you. Thanks FAMILY. My family has totally excluded me and my 7 year old. By then, I was DONE with all of them. My blood family can live with their choice, and I will live with mine. I feel your pain. I would be open to express your feelings to your family in a kind way, so it can help them to understand you being less involved. But that shows division and gives the ex and Mom the extra boost to their plans to break you two up, since the strategy seems to be working. I am wondering why your family is excluding you.? I think you have to do what is right for you. I was totally honest with him and that was my mistake. If they dont respect your feelings at least you will know where you stand with them. so i wrote him sent him my fone numbrrhe call me he telling me how he was gonna send someone 2 get my address he wanted 2 get intouch with me. 5. Theresa deserves Karma to put her in a similar situation and see how tshe survives it. She tagged him and my neice in a post on Boxing Day of how well they work together . You have right to feel upset that your family has not supported the boundaries you need which are to be able to be the only mother figure of your children when you are attending family events in a large group. What happens when you want to bring a boyfriend to a family event and your ex is there? You don't have to cut an ex's family out entirely after a breakup. But, for example, if your sister is having a family get together, she should invite you, as part of her family- just you and your kids, out of RESPECT. I stay away from them Food arrived and he came and got me. Fights in YOUR corner . You need to let them know that it bothers you and makes you uncomfortable. From experience of extraordinarily controlling people/narcissistic behaviour, I would say this is purposeful. My kids dont want to stand up for me as grown children and say why is our mother shunned from everything, its between her and our dad. Even if you have to open up and be vulnerable they are your family at the end of the day and should listen to you. My ex-wife divorced me with no reason after 29 years of marriage. Do I really have to explain that to you???!!! Good luck. Some reflection on what his extended family situation is should provide you with more in depth answers. Kids or not, boundaries are being crossed. New York-based author and relationship and etiquette expert April Masini says to look out for communication styles that indicate a more intimate connection. You cant make people comply your wishes. I am so sorry for your loss. No one should have to cut ties with an in-law just because a spouse wants a divorce. he said he loved her but does this mean he still does? I dont think you are being unreasonable at all. They knew my stance, it was too hurtful to know we were not getting back together, and I expressed that 20s something person needs to own up to her own choices. Please stop subjecting yourself to this cruelty. You and only you should be the one that decides whether your ex will be at a family function. You will also actually find that we do let go we let go of the toxic people themselves and this only usually happens after years of trying to be reasonable and make things right tone er even be met half way. My sister and my children(not his children) kept close with my ex who cheated on me 7 times and admitted doing it. He didnt he went over to his ex house and told me I pushed him in to do it. 1st of all I want to say Im sorry about how your feeling. How did you over come this? They never showed much interest in my brother or his children and after I ended contact they quickly lost what little interest they had. She continues to remain close to my in-laws. This is weird. That would force the family to choose and they will choose the.one giving the option. We thought it was a given that her sister and family would be there from day one to support and love her and the children through this. Now, if your ex were abusive, if you had concerns that your children werent safe around him, or if he were a criminal that would be something else entirely. If you make the friendship work, you have even more people to go bowling with! He never liked my mom and would complain about her constantly. How family can be so insensitive and how they can befriend someone who hurt their sister/daughter so much is beyond me. I am not on FB and do not have a close relationship with any of my family, neither did he when we were married for 3 decades! He still had feelings for his ex. You sound a lil spoiled and entitled. My family all exchanged xmas gifts with him last year, but not 1 gift for my boyfriend who was actually at the party. But now I havent seen him for 5 months as he is seeking full custody so doesnt want to do anything to hurt his case. Now nobody in my family speaks to me and my mother is threatening to evict me from the condo that Ive been renting from her. Boundaries need to be set and respectedbottom line. My family has seen my tears, saw me raise my girls alone, and saw and heard the heart break Ive been through. Sister is a poster girl for depression and anger management, and my brothers wife is one of those in-your-face, turn-or-burn type of Christians that is very outspoken. I feel very isolated. Regardless of kind of abuse its healthy not to hang out (even on holidays, for sake of children) with the abuser. My family abandoned me at the time I needed them the most. Then tell everyone around them you better pick me, because we are family because I was the victim. He wanted me to pack my clothes and leave. Love him, enjoy him and let the rest of this go. I have learned to just ignore him since my children are 21 and 32. I stumbled across your post as i was looking up the same information. But if youre a year down the line and he still hasnt introduced you to his friends and family? Why does the family like her much but their relationship didn't work out? I care for him and didnt want him to be alone, yet I was the one completely isolated in a new place with no support, but I left so that was my decision I thought. And also my family can do the same. They have nothing to do with her EX!!!! She told me that I needed to get him away from his father because she was afraid he would do something because he was so depressed. All I could say was,.You and your kids do not understand divorce nor have you supported me through any of it. Its tough when your own family supports an person who financially and emotionally hurt me with no reason as to why this all happened. In birthdays, Christmas and New year. Blood is thicker than water. Or perhaps envy is involved. And he literally talked about me the whole time. He moved them across the country and had all of the divorce, DV, shelter, police records sealed so no one can look at them.
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